I really want to just take a vacation. Escape for a while, maybe to the places that grace my computer desktop. I have a wallpaper cycler that shuffles through this collection of scenic photographs I downloaded. They're really alluring. Most show pictures of the ocean, far away from the worries and pressures of life. I want to sit on the beach and just lie there and just let my mind wander.... maybe with a friend or something. That would be nice. But I can do no such thing.

Instead I have to do my physics homework, do research for my job, finish programming for BoingBoing.net, write a detailed letter to the financial aid office, apply for scholarships, do research for a lengthy paper, find an internship, do the mound of work my parents' restaurant has for me...and more....

It's a really beautiful day outside. I wish I could go outside. But I have to stay here, and watch over my brother, who is ill. My parents are away, working, stressing, working, trying to clamber back on track from an enormous setback...

I don't have a lot of energy these days. I feel like napping all the time, to pass the day, to take refuge in my dreams. I wake up, and I'm always tired. My bones ache weary, and I don't feel like moving.

When I need to motivate myself to work, I feel a muted franticness surging through my mind. Muted, because sensation and feeling are dulled. But it's the feeling that if I don't keep on going I'll die. So I drag myself to do the work.

Henry Yuen's No Time to Think